I know it's a cliche, but Diet Coke just went *everywhere* right now.
Actually, I think this crazy idea could work...
EXTERIOR: DAY - A DECAYING LANDSCAPE IN FUTURISTIC LONDON. M-DELTA, who has been DISTRACTED by a SHINY THING lying in a pile of rubbish left by the side of the THAMES, PICKS UP a STRANGE AMULET and RUBS IT.
VOLDEMORT appears in a puff of GREEN SMOKE!
VOLDEMORT: Araarghhh! Prepare to die horribly, you puny mortal!
M-DELTA: Ooh, where did you come from? I like your green smoke. Why are you pointing your little stick at me that way?
VOLDEMORT: Dammit, I'm the Lord of All Dark Magic! Start quailing in the face of my terrifying visage and unstoppable evil, you stupid and pathetic piece of human waste!
M-DELTA: I like your eyes. I've never seen glowing red eyes before. But what is evil? And is all evil unstoppable, or just your particular evil?
VOLDEMORT: What? (Thrown) Um, well... *my* evil is unstoppable, I suppose. I really couldn't answer for other people's. Do you really not know what evil is?
M-DELTA: No. At present my character rests upon the device that I am incapable of distinguishing good from bad, and that I keep failing to make this distinction in a cute and yet chilling manner.
VOLDEMORT: How extraordinary. For many years I've… well, I've believed that the division between good and evil is the fundamental bedrock of the human psyche, and it is only through the medium of consciousness filtered through morality – in other words, conscience – and also through the comcommittant hermeneutic of listening to that voice and meeting its demands, or in my case, doing the exact opposite whilst laughing insanely, that one can be defined as a truly sentient being. And yet you have challenged this morality-centric dichotomy with your all-embracing amorality. You have introduced a new paradigm to my personal philosophic belief system. I have never met a woman like you before. I love you… I'm sorry, what's your name?
M-DELTA: M-Delta 579.
VOLDEMORT: I love you, M-Delta 579, and from this day forth declare us both an OTP. Come with me to the dark haunts of… oh, wherever it is that I actually live, some graveyard or somewhere like that I expect, and be my dark bride and general fluffybunny.
M-DELTA (worried): Oh, I don't know… I haven't told Danny about us yet.
VOLDEMORT: Oh come on, we'll have fun! We'll have gloating sadistic sex and drink blood out of the skulls of our freshly slain enemies and hang out and do cool stuff. It'll be awesome. I bet you won't get that at home with this Danny person.
M-DELTA (thinking): Hmm. Probably not. He gets very funny when I rip out people's skulls. Especially if they're using them at the time.
VOLDEMORT: Sounds hideously provincial to me, my dear. You're better off out of it. Oh, kiss me with tongues!
She DOES. They then SKIP AWAY, whilst HOLDING HANDS, into a convenient sunset. Romantic music SWELLS in the background.
COMING SOON: CHAPTER TWO – M and Voldie Get Married!!!!!!11! Featuring pages of description of M's dress, shoes, and veil! Many more pages of canon characters appearing at the wedding and congratulating the happy couple and lots of M and V crying with happiness whilst exchanging sappy speeches set to song lyrics from Tool, Nine Inch Nails and Avril Lavigne! Soon to be followed by Chapters Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, and most of Eight – THE HONEYMOON! (Rated NC-17 for OMGWTF evil!pr0n!!!!1 LOL!)
Re: HOLY FUCK!!!
Actually, I think this crazy idea could work...
EXTERIOR: DAY - A DECAYING LANDSCAPE IN FUTURISTIC LONDON. M-DELTA, who has been DISTRACTED by a SHINY THING lying in a pile of rubbish left by the side of the THAMES, PICKS UP a STRANGE AMULET and RUBS IT.
VOLDEMORT appears in a puff of GREEN SMOKE!
VOLDEMORT: Araarghhh! Prepare to die horribly, you puny mortal!
M-DELTA: Ooh, where did you come from? I like your green smoke. Why are you pointing your little stick at me that way?
VOLDEMORT: Dammit, I'm the Lord of All Dark Magic! Start quailing in the face of my terrifying visage and unstoppable evil, you stupid and pathetic piece of human waste!
M-DELTA: I like your eyes. I've never seen glowing red eyes before. But what is evil? And is all evil unstoppable, or just your particular evil?
VOLDEMORT: What? (Thrown) Um, well... *my* evil is unstoppable, I suppose. I really couldn't answer for other people's. Do you really not know what evil is?
M-DELTA: No. At present my character rests upon the device that I am incapable of distinguishing good from bad, and that I keep failing to make this distinction in a cute and yet chilling manner.
VOLDEMORT: How extraordinary. For many years I've… well, I've believed that the division between good and evil is the fundamental bedrock of the human psyche, and it is only through the medium of consciousness filtered through morality – in other words, conscience – and also through the comcommittant hermeneutic of listening to that voice and meeting its demands, or in my case, doing the exact opposite whilst laughing insanely, that one can be defined as a truly sentient being. And yet you have challenged this morality-centric dichotomy with your all-embracing amorality. You have introduced a new paradigm to my personal philosophic belief system. I have never met a woman like you before. I love you… I'm sorry, what's your name?
M-DELTA: M-Delta 579.
VOLDEMORT: I love you, M-Delta 579, and from this day forth declare us both an OTP. Come with me to the dark haunts of… oh, wherever it is that I actually live, some graveyard or somewhere like that I expect, and be my dark bride and general fluffybunny.
M-DELTA (worried): Oh, I don't know… I haven't told Danny about us yet.
VOLDEMORT: Oh come on, we'll have fun! We'll have gloating sadistic sex and drink blood out of the skulls of our freshly slain enemies and hang out and do cool stuff. It'll be awesome. I bet you won't get that at home with this Danny person.
M-DELTA (thinking): Hmm. Probably not. He gets very funny when I rip out people's skulls. Especially if they're using them at the time.
VOLDEMORT: Sounds hideously provincial to me, my dear. You're better off out of it. Oh, kiss me with tongues!
She DOES. They then SKIP AWAY, whilst HOLDING HANDS, into a convenient sunset. Romantic music SWELLS in the background.
COMING SOON: CHAPTER TWO – M and Voldie Get Married!!!!!!11! Featuring pages of description of M's dress, shoes, and veil! Many more pages of canon characters appearing at the wedding and congratulating the happy couple and lots of M and V crying with happiness whilst exchanging sappy speeches set to song lyrics from Tool, Nine Inch Nails and Avril Lavigne! Soon to be followed by Chapters Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, and most of Eight – THE HONEYMOON! (Rated NC-17 for OMGWTF evil!pr0n!!!!1 LOL!)