wordinista | Musings about o-fic, writing in general, and life with pets

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Musings about o-fic, writing in general, and life with pets

It's funny. I thought I hadn't touched my original-fiction folder since November, but as it turned out, I did some writing back in May. Something else that's funny -- I'd managed to convince myself that Universal Truths was the suckiest bunch of suck that had ever sucked, and I'd be doing myself a favor if I deleted the whole damned thing and started over from scratch.

And...um. You know? It... doesn't suck, actually. I'm still stuck, because I just don't know how to start the next chapter, but... it's actually marginally less-sucky than I remember it being. And I'm finding myself looking forward to jumping back in and working on it in earnest again. At least it has a plot. The untitled vampire-fic doesn't even have that. It's just a premise-bunny at the moment, but my premise-bunnies usually evolve into huge monster were-rabbits, and often at the most inopportune moment. So I'm going to keep scribbling down my ideas for that one, and keep my focus on UT. I think once I figure out whose POV I should use, the chapter itself will fall into place rather nicely.

I do wonder if half my problem is this stubborn insistence I have of writing it in chronological order. I gave in to the urge to write a future scene, because it had been banging around in my head so frequently, and it came out on paper exactly how I saw and heard it in my head. I just want to get out of this dry spell. It's killing me. I think that's why I've pushed myself towards finishing my unfinished fanfiction projects (*coughcoughOGAMcough*) -- fanfiction is infinitely easier than original fiction, and if I can at least get the gears turning, then the ideas and inspiration will start coming, and then I'll get myself back onto a routine again. Hopefully this year the holidays will not squash my creative spirit into paste. Tora's parents being out of the equation probably won't hurt things, either.

Unfortunately, I'm one of those people who gets some of my best ideas while talking with other people. Because when I pitch an idea to someone who knows me and in whom I have a lot of trust, they'll return the volley with either a suggestion or criticism that gets me thinking. And once that spark ignites, I'm a writing fool. That said, I really hate bothering people, and I've felt particularly self-conscious about it lately, so I've stopped dragging my ~~victims~~ friends down into my brainstorming hell, because for a while I felt as if that's ALL I was talking about, and I thought that I was being tiresome and a pain, so I just quit.

I need to find new ways to jump-start my brain.

In pet news, Bronte is doing much better these days. She's put on some much-needed weight, and her coat is as shiny and thick as it should be. I'm very happy with her improvement. Even her personality is back to normal -- she's getting in trouble again. ;) She's got a follow-up appointment tomorrow morning, and I'm looking forward to seeing how much weight she put on in two weeks. She was 8.1 lbs at the last visit (well within "normal" parameters for a cat, but not Chunky Puff -- she was more towards 10-11 lbs, I think, maybe even 12, and it suited her). I say she's between 9.5 and 10.5 lbs. Tora thinks she's back to 12. We'll see. :)

Darwin's being remarkably tolerant today. Possibly because he had a big day yesterday. Aussies are a high-energy breed, but Darwin will occasionally have a low-key day, finding amusement in his toys (or the cats). We're having one of those days today, because I feel pretty lousy, still. I may take him to Petsmart with me, because he is in dire need of kibble, and he loves going to Petsmart. My only hesitation comes from the fact that an excited 44 lb. mass of nearly-grown puppy doesn't always blend so well with the handling of a 20 lb. bag of kibble. I love my boy, but there are certain situations that are still wildly stimulating for him, and exactly NONE of the obedience tricks work to calm him down when we go to Petsmart or to the pond parties. None. Of. Them.

And it kills me, because he's pulling like crazy on his leash, and I can hear him choking on his collar, and still he pulls. And I make him stop and sit and wait, but the second I release him from the sit, he's lunging forward, pulling like crazy again. So I end up looking like an irresponsible pet owner who cannot control her dog. But this only happens at Petsmart, the doggy park (though he IS getting better about that), and the pond parties, because they are places Darwin knows and loves. We go on regular walks, and, okay, he pulls a little, but I can control him, and eventually he settles down. But I hate how much of a spaz he becomes when I take him to those specific places. And I have to keep taking him, because otherwise he'll never learn. But it's starting to feel like he'll never learn anyway.

On the other hand, as my mother is so fond of reminding me -- he's just a puppy. He's 8 months old. The woman at my vet's office said once, "The thing with Aussies is this -- if you can both survive the first two years, they're the best dogs you could ever hope for."

Eight months down, sixteen to go. Woo.

The other thing I hate is that he pulls so hard in these particular situations, that when I dig my heels in and stop, I worry that it looks like I'm swinging him around on the leash. It's like... he pulls, and I stop, and his momentum makes him swing to the side, somehow. I don't know. Maybe I worry too much -- but one of these days, I'm convinced someone's going to be all, "OMFG WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT POOR ANIMAL?"

I spoke pretty harshly about training collars before, but I'm starting to think that I may actually give it a try when we start the next obedience class. I'd never try them on my own -- I want to know the proper way to use them, and which would be best for Darwin. But I've spoken with too many handlers and trainers and breeders who have excellent results when a prong or choke collar is used correctly. So we'll see. He's got a very dominant personality, and while the training methods I've been using so far have been met with success, leash training has always been an area where there have been problems.

It's something to think about, at any rate.

ETA: Okay, what is it with my dog making a liar out of me? We went to Petsmart, and aside from some crazy, spazzoid behavior upon first walking in, for the rest of the time, he was better than I've ever seen him behave. (I wonder if it had anything to do with the fact that on this visit, I was pushing a cart as well? I don't know.) And of course he had to "stand up" and put his ~~ginormous~~ paws on the counter as I was checking out. I like not to encourage that, but it still amuses me every time he does it.

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Feel free to bounce stuff off of me any time you want (by phone or IM). There's no need to feel guilty, as I'm also one of those people that works best by bouncing things off of other people. I'll just consider it karmic retribution to months of regaling my suitemates with details of leprosy, syphillis, animal skeletons and skyscrapers when I was in college. ;-)

LOL! Logically I know I shouldn't feel guilty. I mean, I know I wouldn't mind it if someone bounced ideas off of me. But... it's just this mental trap I work myself into, and it's nearly impossible to get myself out again. *hugs*

See? Your friends don't mind and there's no pictures of lepers involved so there's nothing to feel guilty about, logic or no. You're just a silly bunneh. ;-)

Besides, I miss chatting with you.

You even think about deleting Universal Truths and I am flying my little Bunneh butt to Florida and kicking yours. That story is absolutely delicious and rekindled my interest in Jane Austen. You get tempted to delete it and I will go scrounge up every copy I can find and keep my grubby Bunneh hands on it.

And don't ever be afraid of bouncing ideas off of me. Because being bounced is what Bunnehs do!

...

Did that sound wrong to you too?

Love, Bitteh Bunneh.
Because some Bunnehs just have to go medieval on you.

You even think about deleting Universal Truths and I am flying my little Bunneh butt to Florida and kicking yours.

....So that's what it'd take to get you to visit. I see.

I kid, I kid.

No, I was just going through a huge lapse in self-confidence, I'm afraid. The more I didn't work on the story, the more I hated that I couldn't dig my way out of writer's block, and the more I thought the reason I couldn't dig myself out was because the story sucked and therefore had no business continuing. And then I'd go and try to read something else (American Gods for example), and I found myself awash in Neil Gaiman's positively GORGEOUS prose, and thought to myself, "My god, there are no words for how utterly and completely I suck, my story sucks, and my writing sucks." And then I'd start to get a little depressed, and... yeah. Vicious cycle, I'm afraid. :(

Because being bounced is what Bunnehs do!

.... Why am I now thinking of Tigger?

Teen dog! I know I say it a lot, but... yes. Teen dog. I think it took our cats a couple of years to mellow out, too. Maybe you should ask his breeder or someone whose opinion you trust before you go for an obedience collar? Just a thought.

Ahhh, but that's just it -- I've been talking to breeders and trainers, whose opinions I've really come to trust. (The Aussie boards -- and they're reputable breeders/trainers, too, which is a good thing.) Besides, the place I was going to take him for his new obedience classes kind of suggest going through the classes with a training collar. I didn't want to use one on him when he was just a wee pup, but ... he's no wee pup anymore. (He can knock me off my feet now!) I'm still going back and forth about the idea, but I'm less horrified by it than I was before.

And of course Universal Truths doesn't suck. I could've told you that! XD

Ah, but WOULD you have? Or do you just humor me and pat me on the head with that indulgent smile of yours? ;) I don't know. I guess I just worry too much that no one's telling me what they really think. (And why is this reminding me of the "But saying it and doing it are two different things!" conversation we had the other night?)

Well... maybe you could test-drive the collar? Try it out, see how he responds, see if you sit on the couch and weep with guilt for hours after? What do I know about dogs, anyway?

Which indulgent smile? This one? Or this one?

Bah, I'd tell you if it weren't good. And because I love you I'd even be gentle about it, and not take perverse pleasure in denouncing you and your little ~~dog~~ book too.

The only problem with test-driving a training collar is that they need to be fitted correctly. There is a right and wrong way to put on a choke collar (and I do not know the right OR wrong way), and a prong collar needs to be fitted properly by a trainer. (The way I understand it, with the chain collars, at least, when they're used properly, it's more the "zip!" sound of the chain "popping" when you correct them that works, rather than any sort of "choking." Or, at least, that's how it's meant to work, I think.)

And, yes, THAT indulgent smile. That one. No, THAT one. Yes.

Bah, I'd tell you if it weren't good.

Promise?

And because I love you I'd even be gentle about it, and not take perverse pleasure in denouncing you and your little ~~dog~~ book too.

Awwwww.

....

The dog's not so little anymore. ;)

choke collars work OMG wonders when used correctly. It's not an inhumane treatment - it's just a little added training device, similar to a clicker or treats. If you're at all worried about them, definitely see a trainer who can point you in the proper direction. If you aren't sure exactly how to put one on, stick your wrist out and slip the collar on your left (if you're going to have Darwin stay on your left) wrist (pretend that your hand is the dog's head facing the same direction you are and your wrist is his neck) - give the end a tug. If it doesn't loosen easily, it's on backwards.

To use it, as soon as you feel a pull, you give the collar a quick tug and release. Rugby had a tough time with this at first and what I ended up doing was taking a big step forward at the same time, giving him a huge tug back so that he ended up at my knee again. It's the combination of the feel of the collar, the sound, and the tug that reminds the dog to stay at your side. I was actually a little upset because I haven't been able to take him on any walks now for 4-5 weeks. We were going to surgery yesterday to get a pin out and I had him on the collar and he was actually staying at my side and sitting when I stopped - I was soooo happy. He hasn't forgotten!

If the choker collar is too much, you can always go for a martingale - it's like a regular collar with a little bit of choker collar at the back. If you forgo the collar altogether, you could always try putting Darwin in a harness - that way when he pulls, he's not choking his neck. I'm not a big fan of the prong collars, though - simply because you can get the same results for the choker collars.

I know you normally don't but if you want a fresh eye on something all you have to do is mail it to me. Now the one warning on that is I might ask nicely if you would read something on mine that may or may not be on its second time through the betas. (as I would not send you raw rhoda writing your eyes they would bleed) But as I have told you before if you need to talk I am around and always glad to share the great horde of plot bunnies that live under my desk.

As for Darwin he's still a puppy, really anyone that start calling you irresponsible isn't paying attention. Something you could try on the his favorite places thing is to try to take him more often which sounds so much easier than I realise it is. I have no doubt that in your next 16 months you both will get so comfortable that you will be good anywhere you want to go.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Training collars are not the greatest evil known to dogdom. They are tools that can be used correctly and safely or incorrectly with disastrous results. (Prongs in particular must be fitted very carefully.) A good trainer should, before asking you to put any training collar on your dog, instruct you to put one on yourself so you'll know what it does, what it feels like, and what level of force to put behind it. Alternatively, you could try one of the no-pulling harnesses. There are also groups on lj:

dogtrainers (tag list here) and

dogsintraining.

When you were pushing the cart at Petsmart did you give him less slack in the leash than usual and keep him in close to you and the cart thus making it more difficult for him to pull? You might want to work on getting him to heel very close to you and putting that special heel on command. On ordinary walks I don't care if my dogs heel slightly in front, slightly behind, or directly beside of me as long as they don't pull, but they "close up" at bridges, traffic intersections, or when we pass other people.

Oh, I don't know if I think they're EVIL. (Though I was pretty peeved at the guy who thought I needed to put a training collar on a 12 week-old puppy.) At this stage in the game, I feel like getting a training collar would mean accepting defeat-- that I was not able to train my dog properly, and therefore I'm somehow "less" of a good owner.

Wow, that made a whole lot more sense in my head.

And as a matter of fact, I did have him on a closer heel in Petsmart -- and the cart blocked him from getting in front of me (which he will usually do, very sneakily). But even when I'd walk away from the cart to look at the chew toys, he sat by my side as if to say, "Ooooh, I'm gettin' a toy! And if I'm good, I'll get a REALLY GOOD ONE." We were even able to walk around the aisle with the beef knuckles and pig ears, and a simple "leave it" worked like a champ.

Another "command," that never started out as a command was, "this way." As in, "follow me, we're going this way." I've always used it, and by this point he seems to know what it means. I worry that this may come back to bite me in the ass whenever we DO start agility. :)

No one in their right mind would put a training collar on a puppy. I guess I get a bit defensive sometimes because so many people I've met automatically start shrieking about how evil and abusive and damaging the training collars are, when the head halters they prefer can also injure the dogs. I've never used a choke or a prong on my own dogs (there is a slip lead that came with Roxey when we got her but it's used to secure other people's dogs running loose in the neighborhood), but some of the humane society dogs would be downright unmanageable if we didn't have slip leads and chokes.

Utilizing a training collar wouldn't mean defeat; it'd just mean changing strategy. :) As long as Darwin isn't rampaging around like a hoodlum--which he obviously is not or the treat aisle would be in shambles--you haven't failed as an owner. You probably won't need a training collar if you just keep working with him. Dogs have their difficult phases and he's becoming a teenager. Perhaps do refresher courses in basic heeling. (No pulling allowing; Pulling means you stop and ignore him and he doesn't have any fun because he doesn't get to goooooo anywhere. I do it with my hardheaded Roxey in the spring and the fall when we go on walks regularly after the downtime of winter when I'm a weather wimp and summer when we both are. She tugs; we stop. The first day it may take us 30 minutes to make it to the end of the street, but all the days after that I won't have problems.) Start out practicing somewhere that he won't be too distracted and then gradually get closer to those terribly exciting stimuli.

It's wonderful the way dogs can pick up language. Ours know their own names, each others' names, the cats' names, the humans' names, and the names of the various rooms in the house, and it's not like we sat around repititively introducing everyone or making a big show about going into a particular room. "Get ______" or "Go tell ______" results in a puppy head popping up over the nearest piece of furniture and staring intently at the person in question. If "the look" doesn't work they then proceed to poking and dancing and whining (or paw slaps and arooroo-ing in Roxey's case) and being all around annoying. Gotta love 'em. :D

Someone came up with a really good suggestion about writer's block to me the other day - the notion of free writing. Basically, you just start writing whatever it is that you want, as a rough draft of what it is that you wanted to do but couldn't. The point is that it doesn't matter if it's shitty.

The thing is, that you time it on a timer. You say, "I will now write for an hour." - don't do any more than that at first, as that's too much pressure. You switch off the internet and take the phone off the hook. You tell everyone in the house that you are unavailable for comment. In this way there are no distractions and if you don't write, you'll just have to sit there in silence for an hour, watching the dust settle on the white page on your monitor.

Something that works for me (since I find the white screen of my monitor in my bedroom too intimidating) is to go out with my notebook to some nice shady nook, or a nice pub by a river, or probably in your case the beach, and just jot down stuff in that. Then, you write it up when you get home on the PC. I'm finding that most of Mephistophela is now coming together that way, because for some reason being out of my room makes me feel more creative.

If you've written more UT, then do let me see it - I'm doing it at the moment for random people all the time, I'd be more than happy to do it for you!

I've not tried it yet, but I may do tonight. One of my writing group has been using it and they say it's working fantastically for them.

*nodnod* I used to extoll the virtues of free-writing to my students all the time. And I've tried it a few times with the vampire-thing I'm working on, but with little success. I actually worked myself into a place where freewriting on UT was intimidating, and that's pretty much when I sat back and said, "Girl, now you're being dumb." And it's like I KNOW I'm being silly, but it's difficult to work myself out of it. I don't know how better to explain it than that.

I do think that doing some writing out of the house would do me a world of good. Although, when we were doing Nawlins, I always found that I did my best THINKING while I was driving around town. True to form, I think I figured out how to fix my POV problem while I was running errands this morning.

I did write a later chapter -- my version of the infamous "proposal scene" -- and I'm thrilled with how it came out, even after looking at it a good three months after writing it. That alone gives me hope that I can pull this off.

I'd be more than happy to share with you what I've got, but I can't quite remember what you've read up to. And I've changed a few things -- fairly drastically, I must say, because I couldn't stand the fact that the characters were behaving stupidly (and they were -- I couldn't ignore that).

I do wonder whether the gods and goddesses should be a little less... hmm. If they should be a little more insidious. Of course, this is after getting a good hundred or one hundred fifty pages into American Gods, which is leading me to think I'm doing everything wrong, and that scares the hell out of me. But then I think, it's not meant to be a dark and scary novel -- it's meant to be... kinda funny, actually. (I'm actually starting to think Hades and Persephone should run a hard-core BDSM shop somewhere.) I need to... I don't know what. Rediscover my path as a writer, as trite and as corny as that sounds. I feel like I've wandered off it.

Frankly I also worry because... well, I don't feel like I've got a proper hook, or that the story isn't "sharp" enough to be sold. It's a timeless story, sure, and I think I've given it a neat modern twist, but... I worry about whether it's likable. If I were to write solely for myself, it'd probably turn into a bloated, self-indulgent mishmash of poorly conceived subplots without any sort of overreaching PLOT. It'd be crap. Crappity crap. So I'm writing it with the hope that it's something that people can enjoy.

Only problem is, when anyone tells me they're enjoying it, I suspect they're trying to save my feelings. And that's a problem.

Clearly I need to ditch my life here and move in with you and tag along to your writing group meetings. ;)

I really would look into trying a couple of RL writing groups you know. The good news is that going to a good writing group, where they're not backwards in coming forwards, is really good for discipline.

(Apologies beforehand if this sounds unfeeling, brutal, and selfish. Frankly I increasingly think the only way you can get ahead as an artist is to have confidence in your stuff as yours. You don't have to think it's great. But you at least think it's the best that you can do, you're committed to improving it, and you will violently repel any attempt by anyone to stand between you and it, if you see what I mean.)

Firstly, you HAVE to write something, or else you're going to be sat there listening to their stuff and critiquing it without the pay-off of them returning the favour. Depending on how good the others are, that gets old really fast. There's nothing quite like listening to really shitty writing for two hours whilst you're trapped in a scruffy, stuffy room to focus your mind on what's important in life, and cruel as it might sound, what's important is you.

Secondly, it's good to see where you really are in the food chain. When shitty writers do well, it's positively inspirational. One of the worst writers in the group won a competition recently, and was featured on the cover of the local paper. Seriously. A famous actor is about to read their work on the radio. And they're TERRIBLE. If that's not encouraging, I don't know what is. On the other hand, it's also nice to hear people that are better than you, because it makes you raise your game in a way you wouldn't if you were sat at home alone.

And best of all, you get crit off people that don't care whether you like them or not. It's not quite as hardcore as having a publisher or agent do it, but it can still be pretty hardcore. And you can give it back too. See, I'm not really into people telling me they liked it and smiling brightly. I want to know what's wrong with it. And if someone reads something that's bad or doesn't make any sense I don't want to sit there and nod politely and make encouraging noises. It's a lie. It's *embarassing* to me. That's why I like Sheherazade, the invite-only group I'm in, because it's got that kind of Fight Club thing going on. It helps that they're all quite good as well.

More and more I am becoming fussier and fussier about who I'll read as time spent reading and critiquing other folks' work is time taken away from my own. On the other hand, you need people to read yours and it would be nice if you were on the same page as them, so I find that I seek out people doing stuff I like and enter into arrangements with them.

In regards to UT, I read up to the point where the music teacher takes over the piano at the party where the guy's just met the girl. That's as far as I have. If there's more, then point me at it (you fall into the bracket of people whose work I'll read - and as I hope you realise by now, that's a real compliment). ;)

My dear, sometimes I need people to be cruel and brutal. And a good smack upside the head is something I NEED sometimes. There was a while where I was very confident with UT. Coincidentally, this was also about the time I was churning out serious word-counts daily. The longer I didn't work on it, the more my confidence waned. I'm sure there's something to that.

As far as a local RL writing group... I... am skeptical. Because this area isn't what I'd call... keen on, um... literary pursuits. (Read: Holy illiterate backwater town, Batman.) I may contact someone at the college -- they may be able to point me in the right direction, but I'm dubious.

See, I'm not really into people telling me they liked it and smiling brightly. I want to know what's wrong with it. And if someone reads something that's bad or doesn't make any sense I don't want to sit there and nod politely and make encouraging noises. It's a lie. It's *embarassing* to me.

EXACTLY. I could not have put it any better myself. I know what I've written could always stand to be improved upon. And I want to know HOW to improve it. Usually the parts of the story that leave me going, "Mrrrr..." are typically the parts where other people (like you, or a few others I trust) say, "Yeah, this... needs some work." And I always feel vindicated when someone ELSE points out the part that *I* think is weak. (All the same, I do like to hear whether the individual overall is enjoying what I'm writing. Telling me what's wrong is fantastic, but it's helpful to know that, generally speaking, they like the tale I'm telling.)

That's why I like Sheherazade, the invite-only group I'm in, because it's got that kind of Fight Club thing going on. It helps that they're all quite good as well.

See? Clearly I need to move in with you and start ingratiating myself. ;)

In regards to UT, I read up to the point where the music teacher takes over the piano at the party where the guy's just met the girl. That's as far as I have.

Ahh -- I have written more, and I heavily revised THAT scene besides. What's the best way to point you at it?

If there's more, then point me at it (you fall into the bracket of people whose work I'll read - and as I hope you realise by now, that's a real compliment). ;)

*hugs you* Thank you. (And now I'm reminded of all those moments of eerie synchronicity we had while doing Nawlins. And, damn, WE&T is just languishing on my hard drive. I might pick that up again sometime. That's one that's got some potential in it. And I kind of miss working on it.)

I tried this free writing thing today and yesterday, and it's working really well. The writing isn't great but at least I know the story is moving on. Even in draft you can tell what's going to happen ("He's gonna flip out." "She's going to threaten to kill them.") Today was great, actually, as I drove out to Beachy Head where it's all white cliffs and pounding sea and sunset and roaring noises and now my head feels completely clear and empty and zen. It's fab. I'll write up my notes tonight.

As for your town, hell, there might be one other soul in there trying to break out - just discovering them would be worth the effort.

Failing that, you're very welcome to decamp to mine. I've got floorspace and so long as Darwin doesn't hassle Hamster Boy ("I'm very old, you know!") then I'm sure that would be awesome.

I was thinking about Nawlins 2 the other day. There is a nice book in there somewhere. Would we necessarily have to set it in New Orleans? I think it was central to the first Nawlins but I'm not sure about the second one... hmm...

Of course UT doesn't suck!! I don't think any of your stories are bad - I mean, I've gotten some of the best visuals from them.

I know for myself, I always get inspiration at the most random of times: driving or taking a shower. And I'm usually listening to some mind-numbing, droning techno. It's like a weird trance and suddenly I surface, not remembering the past five minutes except for this rush of visuals and omg I have to get it down on paper.

But doesn't that happen to you, ever? You look at something you've drawn and... and it's like you honestly can't tell if it's good or not. Like with my writing -- I don't know if it's actually good, or if my objectivity has just flown out the window. And I have a tendency to be too hard on myself to BEGIN with, so these little spells really get me into one hell of a hole. XP

you know me - I'm always hard on myself. I will forever and always be one of my worst critics. If I ever do have a moment where I sit back and go "hey...wow, I actually did good!" I'll either end up seeing another art piece someone else did and be completely blown away, or I'll look back at it 3, 6, 9 months later and go "ugh...that turned out wrong."

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Musings about o-fic, writing in general, and life with pets

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