wordinista | Maybe it's finally coming back to me

For myself and nearly every creative person I know, stress does a job on the creative spirit. A little over a year ago, RL was hitting me from all sides with various problems and dilemmas, and while this year has had its share of drama (thank you, ToraMom), it's nothing like last year. This month happens to mark UT's first anniversary, and in the course of one month, I had written five chapters. It's now a year later, and I have ten chapters -- however, considering how many times I've revised and rewritten those chapters, I should have upwards of twenty-five or thirty. I went back and looked at those early drafts today, and my god, were they bad. (Update over on

original_niamh, by the way.)

Anyway, it seems to me that I'm slowly but surely getting back to a place where I can sit down and write for a few hours at a time, rather than sit and stare despondently at the screen, tapping out a few words here and there before standing up in exasperation and searching out laundry to fold. This weekend, I was working on a few things, and actually got annoyed when I was interrupted, something that hasn't happened in quite a while. I also poked around a bit with some fanwriting, which was fun instead of aggravating, and I really, really feel like I have it in me to finish OGAM, which, after three years, is a huge relief. I'm actually quite bad at leaving things unfinished, and while I realize that OGAM is only fanfiction, and holds absolutely no worth as far as my real writing is concerned, I cannot leave it unfinished. I can't do that to myself. I feel like if I'm able to finish THAT, then I can channel that energy into my original fiction and say, "Well, hell, if I could finish OGAM, I can finish damn near anything."

The only unfortunate thing that I can see is, well... my hand. Over the past year or so, I've been noticing a weird sort of ache in my index finger joint. Turns out it's arthritis. It runs in my family, and both my mother and grandmother got it in their hands first. I'm noticing that after a few hours of typing and trackball maneuvering, my right hand aches. I can't grip anything (seriously -- I tried to get myself a scoop of ice cream earlier, and... I couldn't. I had to get Tora to scoop it for me), and by the time I go to bed at night, the knuckles in my right hand hurt. Like I sprained every one of my fingers. I've been using therapeutic putty, which seems to help, but it's a bit of a pain, as I can't type with putty in my hand. So usually I just squish it whenever I'm not writing. Or, you know, during those moments when I'm not doing anything with my right hand. For a right-dominant person, that's easier said than done.

But, you know, I'm so damned grateful that the urge and desire to write is finally coming back to me. I wish it didn't hurt, yeah, but I'd rather take inspiration with a side of pain than a stubbornly blank canvas in my head.

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Oh, man, Niamh, I know what you're going through in regards to writing. I wrote a very similar post to my LJ back in February, when I was mulling over What To Do With My Life...

I spent the last two years suffering from the stress-related writers' block what you've described here, thanks to a very stressful job. For the sake of my sanity, I finally quit at the end of June, and am taking a year off to finish the novels I have under contract, and damned if the juices didn't start flowing again after a month of rest!

One day in early August, I just sat down and started writing, and wrote three chapters in one week of an entirely new novel. It was very reassuring to know that the Muse wasn't dead, just sleeping, and I offer the story as encouragement.

I don't know what to counsel your regarding the arthritis in your hand, but I do hope you can find a solution that would keep the words flowing without crippling you. Dragon Naturally Speaking, perhaps? It takes a fair bit of setup and "training" but this program would allow you to dictate your stories when mousing/keyboarding was too difficult.

Anyhow, I'm glad I found you online again, and I wish you all the best. And please do finish OGAM--it's a wonderful novel and it showcases how much you've grown as a writer over the past three years. And finishing things is very important to writers, because it's difficult and requires discipline, but it's also a fabulous learning experience.

::hugs::

Sharibet! *hugs* I was so surprised (and GLAD) when I saw you'd added me to your f-list. I didn't even know you had an LJ!

I actually stopped teaching last year for the very reasons you outline -- of course, I'm not under any sort of contract, but the logic was that it'd be easier to get an agent with a finished novel, as opposed to a half-done novel. (Actually, I'd like to add you to my original fiction journal, if that's okay.)

I really think, as far as my hand is concerned, that I have to be more diligent when it comes to the therapy putty. I went to bed early last night and read for an hour, keeping the putty in my hand nearly the whole time (aside from turning pages), and this morning, it feels so much better. I have a bad habit of neglecting the things I NEED to do for my health, but this... is far, far too important to neglect. It's my HAND, for pity's sake. (Granted, there's not a lot I can do to fight genetics, but maybe I can stave off the worst of it for a while longer.)

Thanks for the sweet words regarding OGAM. I think it's really kind of funny how it's turned into, for me, anyway, almost something like an archeological dig tracing how I've tried to develop my voice and experiment with different styles before finding settling into something that's "me." It truly has been one hell of a writing exercise. (I really do want to finish it, though, for the very reasons you outlined.)

Good to "see" you again!

*hugs back*

Yes, please do add me to your original fiction journal (or let me know what the LJ username is, so I can add you as a Friend).

Just curious: what is "therapy putty" and how does it work?

So very very glad to be in contact with you again, my dear!

The journal is called "original_niamh" and I've just added you!

Thank you!

Oh, and the therapy putty... well, there's the stuff you get from a physical-therapist, but this stuff will do the trick in a pinch:

http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/cubegoodies/5ac8/

Hi there,

Are you sure it's not repetitive strain injury? I started to get an ache in my index finger and going up my hand about a year or so ago, and started using a foam wrist-rest with my keyboard to keep my hands in the correct position, and it went away! It was nasty before then - I couldn't do anything with it.

If you spend all day and night typing and your hand posture isn't good, it will give you RSI in the end.

You could invest in voice-command software

Maybe it's finally coming back to me

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