Holy jebus, I am so not wired for this.

[wordinista]

First night of night class.  Four hours of Marketing.

Will to live: sapped.

Urge to keep taking four-hour night courses in business:  likewise sapped.

Urge to open tea-shop:  Replaced by urge to give PhD applications one final try.  Perhaps UVA will fall under the "third time's a charm" category.

Seriously, kids.  I'm ready to cry.  I didn't like being a business student the first time around, and I changed majors to English.  I apparently have not matured a whit in ... ten years.  Ye gods.  Ten years ago I was a business major?  Yep.  I just did the math.  Ten years ago I was a business major.  And then changed over to English.

My faith in the universe and quirky timing tells me that perhaps I should start reconsidering PhD programs, because I'm having serious deja vu here.

EDIT: It just occurred to me that I feel a hell of a lot like Harriet Vane in Gaudy Night. Of course, that could just be because I spent most of my crampy hours today curled up in bed, falling in love with Lord Peter Wimsey. Not since Anne Shirley have I identified so strongly with a fictional heroine. When Harriet goes back to London and realizes how empty and pointless and stupid everything feels, and all she wants to do is go back to Oxford... That's all I could think about on the drive home. I want to go back to academia.

Must: Choose schools
Order transcripts
Organize writing samples
Re-take GRE (scores are only good for five years)
Re-take GRE Lit Test (because I hate my old scores)
Beg old profs to write rec. letters for me
Write the dreaded personal statement

Honestly, the GRE and GRE Subject Test should be enough to dissuade me from this course of action, because they are truly heinous tests. I screwed up the Subject Test last time around, just with the timing of it all. I was in the middle of preparing for my MA Comprehensive Exam, which involved me re-reading every scrap of the British canon I could lay hands on (plus various critical texts). However, the Subject Test required knowledge of American and world authors as well. Trying to study for BOTH tests basically boiled down to: READ EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD OMG. I very nearly combusted. And I swear to all things holy that my Subject Test had NOTHING BUT AMERICAN AUTHORS ON IT. I'm convinced of this, because it felt like I knew NOTHING.

...

I wonder if anyone would notice if I used the same writing samples I sent in last time. It turns out my test scores were what screwed me over, so if I do better on my GREs, then that might save me. Because, really, I sent in all of the very best of my writing. I don't think I could choose anything different. I could probably stand to tweak my personal statement too.

Lots of food for thought.

And now, bedtime. For real.

I just spent the last hour tossing and turning because I didn't eat before I left, and it was 9:30 by the time I got home, and that was too late to eat, except when I went to bed, I was HUNGRY. So I just had a little linguine, and I think I'm going to survive now. :)

Comments

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

Because there aren't any remotely decent English programs around here, I'm sick and damned tired of being taken advantage of by the college, and I thought that I could "increase my earning potential" by trying again. Besides, I thought it would be a big mistake to try and take the entrepreneurial route without any business background whatsoever.

However, after talking it over with teh boi, it is agreed that I will give the PhD programs another try this year, to possibly start next fall.

Don't be afraid of it, Emy -- it was more the fact that the class lasted for four hours. I started getting bored around the second hour. By 8:30, I was making a "PhD To Do List." Marketing's actually pretty interesting. But not in four-hour blocks. That's just torture.

Besides -- I'm a Lit person. It's in my blood. What was common sense to the rest of my classmates was total "Bwuh?" to me. I'm going to suck it up and stick it out because I'm not teaching this semester, and financial aid is essentially my "income" for the time being. I can DO the work; it's just boring as hell (to me).

[katmorning.livejournal.com]

Is ANY class not torture in four hour blocks? I'd die. (you and Emy are not the only ones taking marketing this fall.)

Best of luck on the PhD applications. You can do it. But convincing them of that is not fun.

I love that icon, by the way.

[tatertott.livejournal.com]

the only classes that are not torturous in large chunks of time are art classes -- then it's usually "wtf? class is over *already*?!"

[emrlddragon.livejournal.com]

Ahh, that makes sense. I wish you the best of luck!

*pulls up her school schedule* Comsumer Behavior 2h and 40min... at least it's only once a week.