Holy jebus, I am so not wired for this.

[wordinista]

First night of night class.  Four hours of Marketing.

Will to live: sapped.

Urge to keep taking four-hour night courses in business:  likewise sapped.

Urge to open tea-shop:  Replaced by urge to give PhD applications one final try.  Perhaps UVA will fall under the "third time's a charm" category.

Seriously, kids.  I'm ready to cry.  I didn't like being a business student the first time around, and I changed majors to English.  I apparently have not matured a whit in ... ten years.  Ye gods.  Ten years ago I was a business major?  Yep.  I just did the math.  Ten years ago I was a business major.  And then changed over to English.

My faith in the universe and quirky timing tells me that perhaps I should start reconsidering PhD programs, because I'm having serious deja vu here.

EDIT: It just occurred to me that I feel a hell of a lot like Harriet Vane in Gaudy Night. Of course, that could just be because I spent most of my crampy hours today curled up in bed, falling in love with Lord Peter Wimsey. Not since Anne Shirley have I identified so strongly with a fictional heroine. When Harriet goes back to London and realizes how empty and pointless and stupid everything feels, and all she wants to do is go back to Oxford... That's all I could think about on the drive home. I want to go back to academia.

Must: Choose schools
Order transcripts
Organize writing samples
Re-take GRE (scores are only good for five years)
Re-take GRE Lit Test (because I hate my old scores)
Beg old profs to write rec. letters for me
Write the dreaded personal statement

Honestly, the GRE and GRE Subject Test should be enough to dissuade me from this course of action, because they are truly heinous tests. I screwed up the Subject Test last time around, just with the timing of it all. I was in the middle of preparing for my MA Comprehensive Exam, which involved me re-reading every scrap of the British canon I could lay hands on (plus various critical texts). However, the Subject Test required knowledge of American and world authors as well. Trying to study for BOTH tests basically boiled down to: READ EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD OMG. I very nearly combusted. And I swear to all things holy that my Subject Test had NOTHING BUT AMERICAN AUTHORS ON IT. I'm convinced of this, because it felt like I knew NOTHING.

...

I wonder if anyone would notice if I used the same writing samples I sent in last time. It turns out my test scores were what screwed me over, so if I do better on my GREs, then that might save me. Because, really, I sent in all of the very best of my writing. I don't think I could choose anything different. I could probably stand to tweak my personal statement too.

Lots of food for thought.

And now, bedtime. For real.

I just spent the last hour tossing and turning because I didn't eat before I left, and it was 9:30 by the time I got home, and that was too late to eat, except when I went to bed, I was HUNGRY. So I just had a little linguine, and I think I'm going to survive now. :)

Comments

[emrlddragon.livejournal.com]

*pushes a side her sudden fear of her first marketing class*

I'm sorry it's going so badly, Niamh. *hugs* But I am curious, if you found out ten years ago you hated business enough to switch majors, why are you trying again?

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

Because there aren't any remotely decent English programs around here, I'm sick and damned tired of being taken advantage of by the college, and I thought that I could "increase my earning potential" by trying again. Besides, I thought it would be a big mistake to try and take the entrepreneurial route without any business background whatsoever.

However, after talking it over with teh boi, it is agreed that I will give the PhD programs another try this year, to possibly start next fall.

Don't be afraid of it, Emy -- it was more the fact that the class lasted for four hours. I started getting bored around the second hour. By 8:30, I was making a "PhD To Do List." Marketing's actually pretty interesting. But not in four-hour blocks. That's just torture.

Besides -- I'm a Lit person. It's in my blood. What was common sense to the rest of my classmates was total "Bwuh?" to me. I'm going to suck it up and stick it out because I'm not teaching this semester, and financial aid is essentially my "income" for the time being. I can DO the work; it's just boring as hell (to me).

[katmorning.livejournal.com]

Is ANY class not torture in four hour blocks? I'd die. (you and Emy are not the only ones taking marketing this fall.)

Best of luck on the PhD applications. You can do it. But convincing them of that is not fun.

I love that icon, by the way.

[tatertott.livejournal.com]

the only classes that are not torturous in large chunks of time are art classes -- then it's usually "wtf? class is over *already*?!"

[emrlddragon.livejournal.com]

Ahh, that makes sense. I wish you the best of luck!

*pulls up her school schedule* Comsumer Behavior 2h and 40min... at least it's only once a week.

[everstar3.livejournal.com]

I told you you wanted to read Gaudy Night. :) Although... do you want to hit Harriet with a copy of the OED yet for being so damn stubborn about Peter? Honestly. (Or possibly what's-her-name's manuscript, the one Harriet helps out with that's been going on for years and years.)

I think it's worth pointing out that nobody sane ever wanted to continue studying the subject that a four-hour class was on, because after four hours, you're just so damn sick of it. (Or maybe that's me....) But still, I don't think not liking business has anything to do with being mature.

As to reading EVERYTHING EVER WRITTEN OMG, I think having a passing knowledge of the style of American authors will help you immensely. A tendency to overwrite and use one-sentence chapters talking about fish? Faulker. Lack of any description whatsoever and characters so freaking annoying you wish he'd turned that shotgun on himself sooner? Hemingway. A preternatural obsession with morality? All of them Hawthorne. You get the idea. But that's how I fudged my way through the GRE; I recognized the Wilde quote I'm still so smug about because I was familiar with Wilde's style, not because I'd seen or read The Importance of Being Earnest at that point (to my shame).

After all, Janet's father managed to know neither the Jacobeans or the Moderns, and he did very well, ne? :D

[(Anonymous)]

Have you looked into class that are specifically for people who want to start small businesses? I don't know about Florida, but I know around here there are a couple of community colleges that offer those kinds of courses. It might be worth it if the tea house is still an option, although it sounds like you've made up your mind on the PhD thing. Good luck, whatever you decide.

Laters,
Patch

[tatertott.livejournal.com]

I can't imagine how the marketing classes must stink, but if it involves math...well, yeah I'm not there on the plane of dimension called "math and numbers and stuff" either. Don't stress yourself out thinking that you've been going in the wrong direction, because you haven't - if you feel that a PhD would be the best way to go, go for it, don't hold back. You have all my best wishes!!!

[hyanan.livejournal.com]

*grin*

Don't get me started about the school thing. I might not stop. If you think English is occupational suicide, try Religion. ;)

Personally, I don't think I could make it through a biz major. Some part of me equates that with the death of my soul, part II. In this vein, I keep telling all wankers that encourage me to get a "computer degree," that it's just not for me. *facepalm*

If I lose my job, I'll sell my soul to the feds. Oh, wait...

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

Ah -- yep. I can only imagine that Religion is on par with English as far as occupational suicide goes.

I had the second class last night and... it's not as bad as I'd feared. The first class meeting was hell in a handbasket, but this second one... hrm. A lot of it seemed very "common sense" to me, which might be a good sign that I can sit in a grad-level marketing class and not be totally "Bwuh?" about it.

I still want to apply to UVA's grad program one more time, though. Third time's a charm, they way. Or so I hope. But it would mean re-taking the GRE and the GRE-Lit, which is... a very special brand of hell. Fnar.

Ye gods, at 30 years old, I should KNOW WHAT I WANT TO BE WHEN I GROW UP, DAMMIT.

[hyanan.livejournal.com]

I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. It's bothering me less and less these days, but it is annoying now and then.

I don't think I'll be finishing that PhD in the sky anytime soon. Unless, you know, I become independently wealthy or something overnight.