At least I'm consistent...

You scored as Chaotic Good. A Chaotic Good person is someone who has little intrinsic respect for laws or authority, seeing them as insufficient to sustain what's right. These people work according to their own moral compass which, while good, is not necessarily always aligned with that of society. Despite their chaotic tendancies, these people are good at heart. </td> Chaotic Good 80% Lawful Good 75% Neutral Good 65% True Neutral 65% Neutral Evil 55% Chaotic Neutral 45% Lawful Evil 35% Lawful Neutral 30% Chaotic Evil 20% What is your Alignment? created with QuizFarm.com

Apathy, thy name is Niamh...

This is really sad. Pathetic.

I don't feel like doing ANYTHING. Nothing. I've been MAKING myself do the things I need to do, telling myself the sooner I get done, the sooner I can get back to doing nothing.

I'm not like this. This isn't me. I don't like it.

I'd wanted to get chapter 51 taken care of before classes started up again, and in two days I've managed two paragraphs of prose. (There's about ten pages to the entire chapter -- notes, raw dialogue, etc.) Two days. Two paragraphs.

And they're not even GOOD paragraphs.

I made myself go up to the college today and drop of some necessary forms for my transient student status, and I meant to go down to one of the other campuses to take care of a few other things, but I came home instead (actually having excellent reason for doing so -- it was lunchtime, and the college pretty much shuts down from 12-1, and I hadn't had anything to eat, so lunch was sounding like an excellent idea). And I know I should go back out and just get the crap taken care of, but it's so tempting to put it off until tomorrow.

I know I should get on UCF's butt about my financial aid, which I STILL haven't heard jack or squat about. I know I should take a look at my syllabus for the semester. I should square away my Blackboard Brit Lit class. I have things to DO. But the motivation simply isn't coming. And I don't know why.

I don't get it. I just want to crawl into bed and read Harry Potter and/or sleep. I'm getting ENOUGH sleep -- between 6-8 hours a night. I'm eating my vegetables. I'm doing all that good stuff. Why the apathy? There's nothing WRONG. There's no reason why I can't put my shoes on, march out that door, drive down to Palm Bay, turn in my forms, drive back home, drop my insurance payment off on the way, and sit down and churn out at least four pages of Ch 51!? ARGH!

I don't know... maybe it's got something to do with ...

I'm turning thirty next month. And I really don't want to. I mean, I really don't want to. And, yes, it's bothering me. Maybe this whole apathy-attack has something to do with that. I've been catching myself looking over my past accomplishments, wondering if I've done enough for someone my age. I look for wrinkles. I wonder about my past mistakes, and what would be different if I hadn't made them. I know I should focus on the present and the future -- I know it. I just...

*sigh*

I don't WANT to be a grown-up.

Blargh. I need to work on moving past this. Whining doesn't suit me.

ETA: Okay, I got UCF squared away. Good. And now I'll head off and pay the car insurance. And maybe while I'm driving I'll figure SOMETHING out for Ch 51. I just don't know how to start it. I know exactly what happens... it's just starting the ornery SOB that's proving to be the pain. I just couldn't stand sitting here and whining. Bleh.