wordinista

There are some months, I suppose, that are emotional roller-coasters simply by virtue of being fraught with holiday stress and obligations. I've been walking around all day with this ball of tension in my chest, constantly feeling as if I'm on the verge of tears. I haven't felt this way in quite some time, and while I was perfectly aware of a few stressors present in my life, I was fairly certain nothing going on warranted this level of anxiety.   Just the other day I was squeeing over Darwin's 3rd birthday and gushing over his puppy pictures.

So I walked the dogs, and grew ever-annoyed with Florida's pathetic excuse for winter weather, returning home carrying the fleece I'd left wearing.  I fed the beasts and started my Monday tidying/cleaning routine.  I was dusting the living room when I saw it -- the nondescript little metal box that resides behind the television. It's Bronte's box: it holds her cremains, and it lives behind the TV because that was her favorite place to curl up while at the same time the ONLY place she wasn't allowed to curl up. (Except toward the end, when Bronte was allowed to do whatever Bronte pleased.)

I... promptly burst into tears.  I've cried a few times today, and I suspect there will be flare-ups throughout the month.

There's also vague work-related angst, as it would appear that George won't be getting a year-end bonus, since Boss has said nothing either way about bonuses -- despite the fact that Boss told George if they landed Big Name Client (which they did), he could expect to see a nice bonus at the end of the year.  Sigh. 

So right now I feel a little empty and sore and cynical inside, and it... really kind of sucks.

Tell me something happy.

There is no one else -- no one else -- with whom I could have a conversation including the following three things at the same time:

"Bloodletting," by Concrete Blonde.

"The Teddy Bears Picnic"

and...

The vampire Pomeranian from Blade Trinity.

( Cut for HILARITY. (And isn't that a nice change?) )

Well, she lost another pound (down to 6.5 lbs now), and her PCV value is about 7%, which is considered to be fatal levels.  However, her personality is still very much in place, and she's eating and drinking, so the plan is to keep her on meds and as comfortable as possible for the time she has left.  She will likely become weaker -- to the point where she won't have any interest in eating or drinking.  At that point, we're going to have to bring her in for the last time.  But like I said, she's still active (in that she's walking around and getting into trouble), and still demanding attention, so hopefully that day is a long way off.

This wasn't an easy decision to come to, but we both feel it's the right decision.  She's not in any pain, she's just... weak.

The pharmacy, however, is being... you know what?  There aren't words for what they're being.  I've been having a devil of a time filling the cytoxin prescription Bronte needs (in addition to her Prednisone, which I can get from the vet clinic's pharmacy).  Every single time I've dropped the prescription off, they've been all, "Okay! You can pick it up in two hours!"  Then I go back:  "We're sorry, this is out of stock.  It'll be in in a few days!"  I go back a few days later: "We're sorry, this is out of stock."  WHAT.  JUST.  WHAT.  WTF, PEOPLE.  And it doesn't matter if they call the other Walgreens in the area -- NONE OF THEM HAVE THIS MEDICATION.  I was complaining about this to Dr. Young recently, and he said the next time it happened to call the clinic and THEY'D call the pharmacy to impress upon them the importance of keeping DRUGS IN STOCK.

Argh. 

Hokay, so. I got the call from the vet yesterday, and Bronte's levels were holding steady at 8%, which... isn't good but isn't horrible either. I mean, that's still a really bad level for her red blood cell count to be at, but she's holding steady there, which... isn't horrible. Our choices at this point are to look into a second transfusion, keep her on the meds for a few more weeks and see if her levels increase, or Dr. Young said he could get us set up with a specialist. I have a feeling a specialist is going to tell us she needs a second transfusion, but I may be wrong about that.

What does this mean? This means no Difficult Decisions need to be made immediately. I'm thinking we may take her to a feline specialist, even though I'm almost certain a specialist is going to recommend a transfusion. We will probably do a second transfusion if I can get an extension on our Care Credit account.

Just in case anyone was wondering, Bronte IS the best cat in the world. So there. ;)

PS:  You guys are made of awesome. 

PPS:  In other noteworthy news, I got a 98 on my midterm for Strategic Management! \o/

Not the most auspicious start to a week.

Bronte's red blood cell count is back down to 8%. We're upping her prednisone dosage and the doc wants to re-check her in two weeks, at which point, if she hasn't improved, we have to make the decision between another transfusion and euthanasia.

I think I want to go back to bed now.

Bronte had a vet appointment this morning, and her PCV value is up to 13% (from 8% at her last appointment two weeks ago).  Dr. Young wants to keep her on the meds (same dosage, same everything) for another three weeks.  He said he'd also like to see her put on a little weight, so I'm off to Petsmart today to get some kibble for her (they're out) and some high-calorie nutritional supplement.  Dr. Young said he'd normally recommend putting the cat on kitten food during a period like this, but Kisa is already bulking up, we don't need her turning into a total lard-butt.

Darwin continues to be Bronte's protector.  It's socute.

My horoscope said I'd be angry today, but so far, that's totally NOT working out to be the case! 

Well, the interview Wednesday went very well.  It... actually went better than even I'd hoped, including things like, "We love your resume,"  "We're very impressed by your resume," and other blush-inducing things.  I don't know when I'll hear anything, but they want to see me teach, see how I'll handle a high school class, so I'm currently in the pool of substitutes and will get a call the very next time they need a sub in the Upper School (the high school, basically -- the school itself has a Lower School, Middle School, and Upper School).  I have a good feeling, but am trying not to get too excited, because that happens to me a lot -- I get excited, get my hopes up, and then something happens and I'm inconsolable for weeks.  So.  Mostly I'm hanging back with a wait and see attitude.

Now the bad news.  It appears Bronte is having a bit of a relapse.  I made an appointment with the vet for tomorrow (but her regular vet is gone all this week, curses), and I'm going to suggest putting her back on the low-level chemo drug and prednisone, and hopefully she hasn't relapsed to the point where we'll have to think about another transfusion, because mygod, I don't think our bank account could handle that.  I think we caught it soon enough, though, because it was just in the space of a week that we started noticing a change in her behavior.  Sometimes I wonder if Darwin didn't sense it sooner, because he's been awfully clingy around Bronte lately.  Even now, both of them are under my desk, together, sleeping.  Bronte is on a low shelf and Darwin's curled up by my feet.  If I didn't know it'd disturb them both, I'd get the camera and take a picture.

I kind of feel like her relapse is my fault.  I knew I needed to make a follow-up appointment for her.  I knew it.  But we also had to get Darwin in for his booster shots, and I had every intention of making her follow-up appointment for two weeks after Darwin's, but didn't, and it was stupid and irresponsible of me, and... yeah, not in a very good place right now.  As I'm sure you can imagine.

At the very least, if I get hired by the school, there will be more disposable income with which to funnel into our "kids," and I won't have to worry about scheduling vet appointments on weeks we get paid.

Cross your fingers for me, guys.

Bronte went in for a follow-up yesterday and got to see Dr. Young again, who apologized for being away when everything went directly to hell in a handbasket.  He was totally up on her file when we went in, which was a welcome change from the fifty-billion other vets we saw while he was out of town.  He took a little blood to check her PCV levels, and Bronte and I were in and out in twenty minutes.

He called back with results while I was working last night, and I tried listening to the voicemail on my way home, but my battery started dying. Blargh.

But!

Her PCV level is at about 15%, which isn't great, but it's the same as it was when they discharged her from the emergency clinic, so if nothing else, her body isn't attacking the new blood.  She's stable for the nonce, and that makes me happy.  He also wanted to make sure I understood that she hasn't been on the new medication long enough for it to make any significant change in her condition, and the same went for the prednisone increase -- it's only been a week, and there's usually about a week or ten days' worth of lag time.

So!  She goes in again in two weeks to get more blood taken and we'll see where things take us from there. :)

Because scorpionocean asked...

( PICTURES! (It's the Bronte and Darwin Show!) )