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Thank you, thank you, thank you ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mscongeniality for making my morning. Oh god. Wow. I don't know the last time I laughed this hard. I'm omgsoglad I wasn't trying to consume liquids at any point during this.
If it's a new religion, sign me up as one of her priestesses!
Seriously, guys. Read this. Love it. Worship it.
Best part? My favorite, anyway?
thefourthvine's wisdom follows -- and lo, it is good!
Use apostrophes or you are destined for the hell controlled entirely by burned-out English teachers and people like me. So. The apostrophe:
'
It looks very much like a comma, although just how much will depend on your font of choice, and I am not going to dictate. I am no fontophobe. (Well, except that I do hate people who write papers in calligraphy fonts, but only because it has a negative effect on me personally. I mean, seriously, if you're that determined that I should go blind? Just run up to me and poke at my eyes with a stick or something. That way, at least I don't have to suffer damage to my eyes and read your pathetic excuse for a thesis statement at the same time.) But here's the key difference between apostrophes and commas: one goes up top and the other goes down below. They're like the bras and panties of the writing world, people. You should not leave home without a bra and panties (Unless, yes, you are either not a woman or not generously endowed, but see the part where I said I was losing my shit - don't expect the insane frothing ranting woman to be careful to include all viewpoints and sensitive to everyone's issues and to file a rant environmental impact statement and a rant sub-contractor who fulfills all 181 points of the fair hiring statement, because - losing. My. Shit.), and you should not write a story without apostrophes and commas. ("But I do not use contractions!" If there's dialog, honey, please let there also be contractions. Yes, you can occasionally get away without them, but most of the time you leave your characters sounding like actors in local amateur theater productions of Shakespeare plays. Worse case scenario, amateur Shakespeare actor with stick up ass and lockjaw. Very few characters sound this way naturally. Trust me on this.)
Any rant that can use the phrase "Cock on a Hot Tin Roof" deserves to be read.
What are you still doing here? Go read it! Spread the gospel!
mscongeniality for making my morning. Oh god. Wow. I don't know the last time I laughed this hard. I'm omgsoglad I wasn't trying to consume liquids at any point during this.If it's a new religion, sign me up as one of her priestesses!
Seriously, guys. Read this. Love it. Worship it.
Best part? My favorite, anyway?
thefourthvine's wisdom follows -- and lo, it is good!Use apostrophes or you are destined for the hell controlled entirely by burned-out English teachers and people like me. So. The apostrophe:
'
It looks very much like a comma, although just how much will depend on your font of choice, and I am not going to dictate. I am no fontophobe. (Well, except that I do hate people who write papers in calligraphy fonts, but only because it has a negative effect on me personally. I mean, seriously, if you're that determined that I should go blind? Just run up to me and poke at my eyes with a stick or something. That way, at least I don't have to suffer damage to my eyes and read your pathetic excuse for a thesis statement at the same time.) But here's the key difference between apostrophes and commas: one goes up top and the other goes down below. They're like the bras and panties of the writing world, people. You should not leave home without a bra and panties (Unless, yes, you are either not a woman or not generously endowed, but see the part where I said I was losing my shit - don't expect the insane frothing ranting woman to be careful to include all viewpoints and sensitive to everyone's issues and to file a rant environmental impact statement and a rant sub-contractor who fulfills all 181 points of the fair hiring statement, because - losing. My. Shit.), and you should not write a story without apostrophes and commas. ("But I do not use contractions!" If there's dialog, honey, please let there also be contractions. Yes, you can occasionally get away without them, but most of the time you leave your characters sounding like actors in local amateur theater productions of Shakespeare plays. Worse case scenario, amateur Shakespeare actor with stick up ass and lockjaw. Very few characters sound this way naturally. Trust me on this.)
Any rant that can use the phrase "Cock on a Hot Tin Roof" deserves to be read.
What are you still doing here? Go read it! Spread the gospel!
