I am speechless

So, apparently, if you're Nicole Richie, you too can get published by writing bad Mary-Sue origi-fic at an eighth-grade level.

Seriously -- it's the new queen of published bad!fic, and now features prominently in my own personal hell -- right alongside Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt.

Nicole Richie got published.  PUBLISHED.  She wrote a book.  (I'm half-surprised she can read.)

And here's the funny part -- apparently she features as a character in the book as well. 

There are no words.