never, never, ever...

[wordinista]

Ask your hormonal adult daughter, "So, how far are you going to take this?" in relation to her possibly terminally ill cat.

Ever.

Next thing you should never say:  "You can't go into hock over an animal.  I know you love her, and she is a love, but she's just an animal."

Never, ever say that, either.  Trust me on this one.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that the vet called last night with... not-good news. Her hematocrit level was down to 7% (should be around 30-40% in a healthy cat), and that her anemia is the non-regenerative type, which increases the likelihood of FeLV. Her initial test (a basic blood test) came out negative, but he wants to do a bone marrow test to make sure it wasn't a false negative, because all signs seem to be pointing to FeLV.

EDIT the Second: I wrote to a local feline specialist today and got the following reply:

Bronte is going to need a blood transfusion w/ a PCV of 7 % regardless of the cause of the anemia. A bone marrow aspirate after she is stabilized from the transfusion is a logical next step. I am assuming she has been tested for FeLV and FIV. It sounds like she originally was being treated for a red blood cell type parasite called Hemobartonella. It is usually treated w/ doxy and pred for 3 weeks. It also usually shows a regenerative anemia. Immune mediated anemias in cats are rare except in FeLV positive cats.

Dammit.

The doc then went on to recommend two veterinary internists in the area.

Dammit.

Never again. Never, never again -- I am not ever, ever getting a random kitten from an "oops" litter ever again. I'll go to the pound first. I'll buy a purebred cat. But if there's any way I can avoid going through this kind of heartache again, I'm doing it.

Comments

[merith.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

i'm so sorry kara. oh man, i'm so sorry.

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thank you. *BIG HUGS*

[somnambulicious.livejournal.com]

*hugs* My mother was similarly "helpful" during my recent experience. "After you got that bill, you should've just told them off, taken the cat, and dumped her at the shelter!"

Cue the indecipherable blubbering. Maybe it's a generational thing?

*pours you a cuppa*

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

I don't know if it's generational or what -- I do know that my mother has a terrier who is getting on in years (she's six now), and while I would have thought Mom would be a little more empathetic, I'm thinking she won't know how it feels until she has to take care of a sick animal herself.

*takes the cuppa gratefully*

[dqbunny.livejournal.com]

*starts crying*

No, you never say that. You just don't say that. Oh, poor Bronte.

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

*hugs, hard*

[rya-kelley.livejournal.com]

ARGH!

[hallowd.livejournal.com]

I know we don't talk all that much, and I don't know you all that well, but I'm so sorry. And I hope with all my heart she'll get better. *hugs*

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much -- that means a lot to me. *hugs*

[squeakyinuears.livejournal.com]

*Big huggles*

Oh, Niamh. I truly hope it's not FeLV, because I've lost a kitty to that, and I don't want anyone going through that. And it sounds like just the possibility of it alone - along with everything else - is already too much.

*Huggles again* I'll be thinking of you and praying for Bronte.

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thank you. I almost wish they'd re-tested for FeLV at the outset, so it wasn't lurking in the back of my head all this time. But I understand where the vet was coming from -- he was trying to avoid the worst-case scenario. I can't fault him that.

[jazzy-fay.livejournal.com]

Oh God, sweetheart, I am so sorry! You and Bronte are in my thoughts and I hope that you both pull through. *hugs*

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thank you. *BIG HUGS* She's actually looking a little more alert today, which is good to see. She was getting a drink of water when I came out to check on her this morning, which was likewise good to see.

[jazzy-fay.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad! She seems like she must be such a sweetie (and I'm not even a "cat-person").

[vitani]

but she's just an animal

This is never ever okay to say. Something may be "just an animal" to someone who doesn't know them, just as a person killed in an accident is "just one person" to everyone else. But to someone that person, and that animal, is incredibly important and loved and a friend and irreplaceable, and thus worth some goddamn respect.

Sorry. I get that a lot and I totally understand how much it sucks to be told that. >:

*big big hugs*

I really hope things get better for Bronte, and for you.

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

*sigh* I know she didn't mean it like Bronte was disposable. In fact, my first question after she said that had to DO with B being disposable. And Mom was quick to say that she didn't mean to imply that at all. She's only worried because we are on a budget and our disposable income was kind of small to begin with. However, I am currently searching for a bit of gainful employment (might've found it, too, keep your fingers crossed), which will hopefully alleviate the worst of the cost.

It's one thing to say you'll go through any expense to save your bud -- it's sometimes a sobering thing when you're sitting down, trying to make the numbers work.

[darkfrog24.livejournal.com]

Actually, purebred cats are more likely to have health problems than other cats. If by "oops litter," you mean a breeding between two ordinary non-purebred cats, then it gave you a very good chance of a healthy feline bud.

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

Well, by "oops" litter, I meant an irresponsible cat owner who'd probably been lax in the mother cat's vaccinations letting the cat out regularly enough to get pregnant with alarming frequency. (Seriously -- when we went to pick up Bronte and Kisa, the mama cat was pregnant AGAIN.) We're starting to suspect both cats were carriers from birth. :\

[katmorning.livejournal.com]

*hugs Niamh* I will say that every one of my cats has been an "oops" litter. The only times they've inexplicably died was when I bought them purebred. In fact, they're healthier because their genes have been more varied.

I swear the vast majority of humanity are emotionally deficient. It is not just an animal. What kind of superficial crap is that? It's something you love, and it's something that loves you back, and has a personality, and emotions of its own. It's not just a breathing knick-knack! I hate the mindset that any animal, especially one as intelligent as a cat or a dog, is just a consumer good. Disposable and easilly replaced. It basically says that having an emotional attatchement to a pet is unworthy and stupid.

It's not. You've got my respect because of how much you love your critters, and how responsible you are about thier welfare.

*takes a breath* and ... I apologize. That's one of the very few things that will rile me.

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, honey -- I didn't mean to rile you.

My first cat, Pandora, was from an "oops" litter. She was also born to a cat who was not let out habitually, and owned by people we knew very well (well enough to know that Pan's mama was well taken care of). I am starting to suspect that the people we got Bronte and Kisa from were not particularly responsible cat owners (as I said to Ith in a comment above, the mama cat was pregnant AGAIN when we went to pick the girls up for the first time). The suspicion is that they were carriers from birth. Because in two years, those cats have gotten out ONCE. Bronte went no further than the porch, and Kisa we found under a bush on the side of the house.

Basically, when they were wee kitties, the vet asked me if they were going to be indoor or outdoor cats. I told her they'd be indoor cats, because we were living by a busy street, and in George's old neighborhood, people let their cats roam free, and the animals were basically neighborhood pests.

I don't think my mother was trying be insensitive. The sad fact is that the vet bills are mounting up, and I've had to borrow money from her over the past few months to cover our finances so we weren't overdrawn. George keeps saying to "spare no expense" when it comes to treating Bronte, but he's not the one who has to sit down and figure out the monthly budget. I had to borrow money from her to cover the check I wrote to pay for B's unexpected vet appointment on Monday (usually I schedule her appointments on weeks George gets paid).

This whole thing is making me SERIOUSLY reconsider pet insurance.

[katmorning.livejournal.com]

It wasn't you. I'll admit my defensive bristling comes from exposure to my sister, who is that insensitive. She's the kind to just abandon an animal in the mountains because didn't use the litterbox. And she's been pressuring us to get rid of our cats because they're "destroying the resale value of the house".

Perfect example, in fact. Her son was being married in California. My parents litterally couldn't not afford to take the trip at that time. She and my other sister bullied them into it, so they ended up going, spending money we didn't have, and leaving me alone at home with my new kitten Annabelle. Annabelle was very, very sick. We do think it was FeLV and she had contracted it while at the pound.

We did what we could to treat her, but Annabelle died in my hands while they were gone. It wasn't the first time I'd watched something I loved die, but it was the first time I was completely alone for it.

My sister's a great person. Her home is immaculate and her children are almost all perfect, but she has no empathy for anything. If it's old, or overly sick, or a messy inconvenience, it's shunted off into a retirement home, the pound, or euthanized.

[aoi-tsuki1.livejournal.com]

OMG, poor Bunneh and Brontesaurus! :''( I'll have to echo the fact that purebreds really aren't a good bet health-wise; a small, trusted local breeder - such as the lady from whom you guys got Darwin - would be much better. But it shouldn't be necessary, because Bronte had better get better. *raised with the firm tenet of "You kids get treatment when you're sick, and so do the animals, goddammit"*

Srsly, would you be willing to accept a bit of PayPal'ed love? Fixing the poor kitty must be biting your wallet something awful.

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

The purebred comment was more... well. I mentioned this in a few other comments, but because I'm suspecting both kitties were FeLV carriers from birth, I think the people we got the girls from weren't very responsible cat owners. The mama cat was preggers again by the time the girls were ready to go home (they actually let us take them home BEFORE they should have, and both kitties displayed weaning problems early on -- they sucked on wool, and destroyed more than one blanket/sweater/sock).

So, basically, I will do all I can to get a kitty from a healthy litter. Considering there are thousands of cats euthanized every year, I would more than likely go to the pound for one. And have it tested for FeLV at a point when something can be DONE about it.

Things have been very tight with the vet bills, and my mother's concern comes from the fact that... well. Basically she said this after I told her how much Monday's vet visit cost, and that I needed to borrow money so I wouldn't bounce the check I wrote. It was sobering. I mean, we've spent about $500 since August, and I don't have any idea how much a transfusion and a marrow test will run. Yes, it is biting into the wallet, and I do appreciate the offer -- *hugs you, hard, and you're making me cry dammit* -- I'm not sure I could accept it. There are other people who are having a much worse time of things than we are right now. I'm trying to find gainful employment (had a very good interview yesterday with Sylvan Learning Center yesterday), which should help offset the worst of the expense.

[f-ireworks.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that *hugs you* You both will be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope everything will be all right.

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thank you so much. We're trying to keep a very positive outlook -- Bronte was looking a little more alert this morning, and her coat isn't looking quite so rough and ungroomed, so hpoefully she's feeling a little better.

[everstar3.livejournal.com]

*pokes your mom a bit, because REALLY*

*SMOTHERS YOU WITH LOVE OMG*

I want to heeeeelp D:

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Mom's timing was... not so good. I mean, I'd think she'd understand, because she's got Zoe, but then again, Zoe's never been sick. I don't think you really UNDERSTAND it until you've HAD a sick animal. She was around Pandora during the end, but I was the one who took care of her (which was way pleasant during her second year in Alexandria, when the cold bothered her arthritis so much that she'd basically lose control over her bodily functions; she did so once in my lap on the way to the vet clinic in Alexandria).

I love my mom, but... she's not very good at the "how would I feel in that situation?" game. She's the type who says, "Well if I were in that position, I'd do X, Y, and Z." And you look at her and think, "No, you so would not."

Mostly I just said, "I really can't have this conversation now." And, to her credit, she dropped it.

[tatertott.livejournal.com]

oh kara...i'm so sorry. I know how hard this is, and your mom, while I'm sure she's trying to be sensitive and supporting, just didn't choose the right words at the right time. I wish there was some answer I could give you or something I could do to make it all better - I think you did the right thing by contacting the feline specialist. I hope everything works out...

*sends love to the kitty*

I'm so sorry about all this...

[hecallaghan.livejournal.com]

I really am. When a beloved pet gets sick, I mean seriously sick, that's a vile place to be in. When *my* Bronte got sick I would have done anything for her. She kept my flagging spirits up more times than any human did. There's just something about animals that brings out the best bits of your human.

I don't think your Mom meant to be callous or insensitive. I think she worries about *you* more than about your cat, however charming, which is only natural. But on the other hand, an animal is a responsibility and if you take one on, you've got step up to the plate when they get ill because nobody else will. It's kind of inherent in the deal we have with them.

That said, there's an interesting side point to your Mom's words. If Bronte is so very ill, is all of this vet stuff going to make her better or more comfortable, or just prolong her misery and make vets richer? I guess my point is that her quality of life is important too. I'm a bit cynical about vets. They seem to have messed up her diagnosis a fair bit so far.

On a less miserable note, I'm intrigued beyond all measure by the notion of a cat blood transfusion. Do they have cat blood donors and blood drives? Is it a synthetic blood? How does that work?

Finally - ZOE is SIX? Good God, she was a puppy when I met her - a little feather duster of a thing! Time flies!

I send hugs, hazelnut lattes, and Fairtrade organic Santo Domingo chocolate, in appropriate measurements. I don't think cats are allowed chocolate and coffee, so Bronte can have some raw monkfish and a dish of double cream and a comforting scratch behind each ear.

Re: I'm so sorry about all this...

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

Exactly. I can't really be mad at her -- though I am a little annoyed with her over the timing of things. That said, it came hard on the heels of my request to borrow money to cover the check I'd written for the vet.

I do understand where the vet's diagnosis was coming from. Anemia in cats, I have since learned, can be due to a host of different things, and he was trying to keep from jumping into the expensive, invasive tests off the bat. He did run an FeLV test at the start of all this, and it came back negative. It wasn't after she failed to respond to the steroids/antibiotics independent of each other that he said we'd need to revisit the possibility and do a bone marrow scan. With my regular vet (who Bronte did not see Monday because he was away for the week), he'd stopped charging me the base office visit fee. Substitute vet, who is, like, the "boss" of the place, did NOT do this, so Monday's bill was a little boggling.

Bear in mind that if they'd talked about doing the marrow scan right away, after a negative reading in the blood scan, I probably would have bitched up a storm at the time, complaining I was being taken advantage of. That said, it would have saved a lot of time. Hindsight is 20/20, though, and I can't beat myself up over not insisting for the marrow scan in the beginning.

--You know, I didn't even wonder about the weirdness of a kitty blood transfusion until you said something. Now I'm picturing kitties wandering around town with little "I Donated!" stickers proudly on their chests. Do they get raw tuna and cream after donating, instead of cookies and juice? What does the pre-screening questionnaire ask? "When is the last time you used catnip?"

(I realize they probably harvest blood from animals at veterinary schools and possibly labs, but kitty blood drives are so much more entertaining to imagine.)

And, yes, Zoe is SIX. I can barely believe it myself, but she turned six in October. If it makes you feel any better, she still looks like a little feather duster. She's just a slightly chunky feather duster (because my grandfather gives her potato chips NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES WE TELL HIM NOT TO).

I've passed along the comforting scratches to Bronte, and I've given her the raw monkfish and double cream in spirit. :)

[vespurtine.livejournal.com]

I'm really sorry to hear that. I know a lot of people really don't understand how attached a person can get to their pets -- I'd be crushed if anything happened to my kitty (she's living forever damnit and no one can tell me otherwise).

I... think someone else has probably already said this by now, but purebred cats are by and large more likely to have health issues because they are less varied genetically, and really, cats that you get at the pound may very well be the unwanted results of an 'oops' litter, so I don't really think that swearing off that sort of situation will solve anything. My kitty's from an 'oops' litter, after all, and she's been wonderful and healthy and everything. I hope you don't get turned off the idea of taking kittens like that, because I'm sure Bronte has had an amazing and happy life with you so far, and will be loved for the rest of it -- Bronte's very lucky that you didn't pass her over for a purebred kitten.

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

Yeah, a lot of people have mentioned the "don't go purebred" thing, and here's my thought:

I should have said, "No more kittens from litters where I know nothing about the health history of the mother." I am convinced Bronte (and Kisa -- I'm certain she has this too, but that she's perhaps just a carrier) got this in utero. The people from whom we got the girls were, unfortunately, irresponsible pet owners (the mother cat was pregnant AGAIN by the time we picked up Bronte and Kisa -- and we picked them up early, to boot, which led to weaning-related problems).

The reason I said what I said about "purebred" animals has to do with my experience getting Darwin. His breeder keeps extensive history on all of her animals. When he was dealing with inexplicable itchiness, the breeder was able to tell me that both of D's parents were sensitive to corn, so that was likely acting as an allergen for him. I do realize that there are breeders who are as irresponsible as people who don't spay/neuter their cats and just let them roam free -- it's just a different type of irresponsibility.

I got my previous cat, Pandora, from an "oops" litter, but the circumstances were significantly different. We were pretty close to the family who owned the mother cat. It was just one of those things -- the cat got out, they were afraid it had run away, then it came back pregnant. Pandora was wonderful, and we had fifteen years together. She died of a hyperactive thyroid disorder, and it broke my heart watching her waste away. It's one thing when an animal has had a long life, and their illness is a result of old age. Bronte is only two. And because of some people who couldn't be arsed to do the damn responsible thing and vaccinate their outdoor cat against FeLV, she's going through this. (By this point, yes, I am assuming it is FeLV, simply because there isn't anything else it COULD be.)

Frankly, I always thought it was ridiculous to buy a cat when there are literally thousands of kittens in shelters and in rescue -- thousands euthanized daily. So no, in retrospect, I probably wouldn't go for a purebred (besides, I like the randomness of the basic domestic shorthair too much) -- but, dammit, I'm not getting a kitten from people I don't know. I cannot go through this again -- I cannot watch something I love, a wonderful, quirky, adorable animal, who used to jump in my lap and demand pets at the most inopportune time, who once climbed in the sink and was eyeing the faucet thoughtfully because I hadn't refilled the water dish, who used to cuddle and groom her sister... I cannot watch her lie there, listless and exhausted after getting a drink of water. Not when I know the cat she used to be.

[everstar3.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[kitesareevil.livejournal.com]

I...can't say anything. I don't know what I'd do if Lina had FLV. I'd never be able to afford the treatments, I can barely pay my own medical bills. *lifts a glass and a prayer* Heres to you both, you're in my prayers.

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

Believe me, I know where you're coming from. We were already getting to a point where cost-of-living increases were making it necessary for me to find a job (I took time away from teaching for personal reasons, and then started working on my book -- lately, however, I haven't been able to write anything; stress is fun). Luckily, I had a really good interview on Tuesday, and am supposed to hear something back today.

All of that said, we don't really have an overabundance of disposable income (we didn't even before all this), so right now the plan is to take things one step at a time. I realize there may come a point where we have to sit back and look at things and say, "Can we reasonably afford this?" Which sounds so cold and heartless, but we need to pay our other bills too. I can't take Bronte to the vet if we get our car repossessed. I can't take care of her at all if we get evicted. Water, power -- these are necessities that need to be paid for as well. I'm already making as many personal sacrifices as I possibly can -- we've cut as many extras out of the budget as we can. George has even decided to lower the percentage taken out of his paycheck for his 401(k) so we have a little more to work with.

But I have to realize and acknowledge that there may come a time when we just can't anymore.