mmmmm....procrastination

There are days I positively adore my schedule. Like today. Not having to work two days out of the week is pretty darn sweet, I must admit. Okay, yeah, the pay sucks beyond reason, but I didn't get into this because of the pay.

I'd like to say the better pay will come after the PhD, but the market is so flooded with English majors, I have a feeling I'm going to have a difficult time of finding a proper job. And I first have to get into one of the PhD programs, so... Actually, I should start hearing about those next month. And the anxiety factor is just multiplying because I remember what it felt like when I got that letter the last time. Granted, it would've been stupid to go straight to a PhD program when I was burning out on the MA, so it worked out in the end -- but it still hurt like hell. I think I cried for two days straight. Maybe three. I remember how sweet George was during that time -- one night he ordered us some Chinese food, and rented both American Pie movies. Then he surprised me with a stuffed Pikachu (because, really, who could remain in a sucky mood with that cute face smiling at you?).

If I don't get in this time? My family is going to find a note with my location on it. And when they find me, I'm going to be so tequila-soaked, they'll be able to use my liver as a door-stop. *sigh* Honestly, I don't know what I'll do if I don't get in to at least one of them (applied to 3). I have to get out of this house. Have to. Must. I've stated before how my mother is driving me crazy, but I don't know how many of you know how true that statement is. everstar3 and tatertott know some of the hair tearing details. Seriously -- I need to get out and love my mother at a distance.

Blargh. I should be grading. Or at least getting my attendance book straightened out.

Funny thing -- one of evilpuppy's posts got me thinking (which I really shouldn't do unsupervised). I know I had very specific impressions of a lot of people BEFORE I started chatting/IM'ing/emailing them. I started thinking about how I appear to people online. I like to think my personality here and in my posts at ID are very much like how I am in my day-to-day. As far as I'm concerned, I'm just me. But then I remembered one of my closest friends from GWU saying that her first impression of me was that I was this brainy, stuck-up, bitch. (((O___O))) On the first day of class, I was nervous almost to the point of nausea, and I'm painfully quiet in new social situations, so maybe I didn't help that first impression out too much.

And I don't know if I WANT to know what my students' impressions of me are. I try to be approachable -- there's no point in establishing a classroom climate where people don't feel comfortable asking questions. But I can't be a pushover. There's also the fact that I have a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor. One student misinterpreted that as my being "intimidating." She went to the dept. chair complaining that I intimidated my students, bullying them using sarcasm.

*waits for the laughter to die down*

No, I'm completely serious. Intimidating. *rubs forehead* It'd be funny if it hadn't hurt so much. Yeah, let's savor the irony there.

Well, it's half-past ten, so I suppose this intimidating, stuck-up, brainy bitch had better try and do something more productive than playing with my LJ. ;) But then, I'm feeling all achy and crappy, so there may be more procrastination in my future. But I don't want the work to pile up (because then comes the nervous breakdown), so I'm going to get to it.