Uh. This. Exceeds my daily dose of the surreal. Seriously. What.

[wordinista]

I meant to blog about this yesterday, but was too busy.  I was running some errands when I saw that I had 3 voicemails on my phone that I'd somehow managed to miss. This... is not new for me, really.  So, in the middle of Wild Oats, I listened to my voicemail. 

The first was a telemarketer -- deleted.

The second was a message from my mom that was about a week old -- deleted.

The third -- oh, the third one was something special.  I've transcripted it here to the best of my ability (no part of this is a joke, and if I could figure out how to get a voicemail to play as a voice post I WOULD):

Hey, Kara, this is Amber.  I was given your phone number by Rick, and I was told to give you a call and see if you'd be interested in (garbled - nooo idea what she said here).  I'm not really sure what he told you about me.  Um, I'm 5'4", I have strawberry blonde hair, baby blue eyes, cute smile. I weigh 109 pounds. I think I'm pretty hot, and I'm totally shaved, and I hope you will be too!  And I just like to have fun.  I'm not really sure if I'm looking for a relationship, but I just think you'd be really fun to meet, go hang out with, and maybe have a little fun in the bedroom from time to time.  So I'll try to hit you back up in a couple of minutes, but I wanted to call and say "hey."  Hey!

I only know one Rick, and he... did not do this. 

What.  Seriously.  Just.  What.

DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW I CAN GET A VOICEMAIL TO PLAY AS A VOICE POST, BECAUSE I HAVE TO SHARE THIS.

And, no, she didn't call back.

Comments

[everstar3.livejournal.com]

..........

I'm completely agog.

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

I didn't have any words for this when it happened, and I still don't.

I just. What? WHAT? WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU'RE TOTALLY SHAVED?

Of course, I'm also laughing really hard.

[hallowd.livejournal.com]

Uh WHAT?! That is, simultaneously, terribly hilarious, slightly creepy and mostly just absolutely off the far end.

I'm now reminded of this one X-Files quote.

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

Agreed on all points.

Mostly I'm just thinking of her level of embarrassment upon realizing (if she ever realized) that she dialed the wrong number. I assume she figured it out, since she never called back.

[somnambulicious.livejournal.com]

WHAT.

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

MY WORDS EXACTLY. WHAT.

I mean, I was only mildly bemused until she got to the "totally shaved" part. And then I can only imagine the expression on my face.

[somnambulicious.livejournal.com]

Screw the phone post! I want a picture post recreating that special moment of WTF!

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

...Y'know what? I do too.

[scorpionocean.livejournal.com]

I think this icon about sums it up. Who goes around telling people they've never met about them being 'totally shaved' gross!

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

I. I just. I dont'. Know.

[nilla.livejournal.com]

Awww man!! You get the best voice messages!! I wish women who think they are hot and are totally shaved would solicit me for fun in the bedroom while also hanging out! Seriously! You're like the luckiest girl EVAR!!!! I'm totally jealous of your l33t seduction prowess :D We should all thank this "Rick" person who gave us our daily dose of lulz!

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

Phe4r me and my l337 seduction skillz!!!!!

SEDUCTRESS BUNNEH IS SEXIN' YOU UP.

[nilla.livejournal.com]

*is overwhelmed by the bunneh* You're too hot for words, my love! *smokes a cigarette* Just being around you makes me feel all sexually satisfied!!! XD

[nilla.livejournal.com]

So I found a website called GotVoice (14day free trial) and it seems they can convert voicemails into mp3s. I thought it'd be worth a try :D

[hyanan.livejournal.com]

*dies*

Oh we sooooo need to hear it. Voice post! Voice post! XD

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

there has to be a way to share this madness with the masses!!!

[hyanan.livejournal.com]

http://www.livejournal.com/support/faqbrowse.bml?faqid=183

Okay, you might need 2 phones but it might work. Or, if your VM service allows you to forward messages to another # it might work that way. XD

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

i'm going to see if I can forward the VM to another number...

checking it now...

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

Dammit -- my VM service isn't recognizing the LJ access number as a valid phone box number.

....But I could forward it to people.

[rya-kelley.livejournal.com]

Are you going to go for it? She's totally shaved! ^_^

I'll take voice mail messages you don't leave people you don't know for $200, Alex.

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

That's just telling me way, way more than I could ever hope to want to know about someone. Really.

AND she hopes I am too.

[headdesk]

[perrito]

I can't stop laughing. Best voicemail ever. EVER.

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

HEY, SHE'S HOT AND SHAVED AND PROPOSITIONING ME.

ow my brain.

[perrito]

ASL? LOL WANNA HAVE SEX?

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

ONLY IF UR SHAVED LOLZ.

[katmaxwell.livejournal.com]

...

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY?!

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

DYING LAUGHING NOW OKAY.

[merith.livejournal.com]

you would have to do 3-way calling, i think. forward the voice mail to someone with a message machine, then call LJ (because you have to enter a code), then link the friend in who would play the message over the phone to be captured.

voice post has a 5 min limit, so that shouldn't be a problem. :)

but, yeah - what? and has tora heard this yet?

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

Yes. Yes, he has. And he is as stymied as I am.

MUST FIND SOMEONE WITH A MESSAGE MACHINE NOW.

[darkfrog24.livejournal.com]

Okay, so someone called to invite you to the annual buzzcut convention. Why is everyone so scandalized?

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

How did I know you were going to say something along those lines? How?

And I suppose having "some fun in the bedroom" means she really just wants to play a rousing game of Scrabble? ;D

[darkfrog24.livejournal.com]

Yay, Scrabble! And if you shave your head in the bathroom, it might clog the drains.

come on, what do you really think I'd do?

[darkfrog24.livejournal.com]

Ah, here we are: Completele shaved. Careful, all. There are pictures.

[sarolynne.livejournal.com]

...I clearly have to check my flist more often.

In a way, I almost feel sorry for her, if it were a mistake. Though I'm assuming someone who'd announce the status of their shavedness to a total stranger have shame, so I maybe be stretching.

She just wants to hang out and have some fun. In your mutual smoothness.

[everstar3.livejournal.com]

OMG YOU HAVE AN ICON FROM THAT ONE SHOW THE TITLE OF WHICH HAS NOW SLIPPED MY MIND.

BUT THAT'S THELMA.

[sarolynne.livejournal.com]

Hex!

Or, as I like to think of it, that BBC show with the hot fallen angel in eyeliner.

[everstar3.livejournal.com]

That's it! I was coming up with Hexed but IMDB insisted that was just a crappy movie and I was like, "Dammit, it's something like Hexed. Cursed? Something."

He was smokin', wasn't he? Did you make it to the end of the first season? I was so disappointed by how that whole story line turned out.

[sarolynne.livejournal.com]

Ohyes, he was totally the whole reason I watched that show. That, and laughing at the clothes that those people wore. The clothes and makeup were hilarious.

And I did get through season one. I got to... oh, I don't remember. Like midway through season two, I think? I sort of lost interest after Azazeal left. I'm that shallow.

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

After listening more closely to the message, it sounds like she was calling me (or whoever she intended to call, more likely) to get shown around town. That was the garbled bit I couldn't understand the first ten times I listened while transcribing.

I still have no words.

[squeakyinuears.livejournal.com]

o_O Wow...

The weirdest part, for me, is how she knew your name!

And have you tried calling her back? :D

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm pretty sure I say my name in my voicemail greeting. Of course, that makes me wonder why she didn't know right off the bat that she was calling a wrong number.

[thatnanda.livejournal.com]

This sounds exactly like those webcam girls who solicit people on Myspace. "Hey Nanda, I'm Trini and I saw your profile through a mutual friend's site. I think you're super cute, and I'd like to get to know you better, but I'm kind of shy, so why don't you sign up for my webcam service?"

Yeesh...

[inusdemoness.livejournal.com]

Wow...I can't even think of anything witty to say to that.

[cyperian.livejournal.com]

Maybe you could try a three way call between your voicemail service and the LJ voice post number. That's how I'd do it.

[w0rdinista.livejournal.com]

Iiii don't think I have a three-way calling option.

DAMMIT.

...I could probably forward the VM to someone who did have 3-way calling, give them the info to make a voicepost on my account. I can definitely forward voicemails. I just can't forward them to ElJay.